What men think about natural women?...worried about it?

2:09 PM Keenya Kelly 2 Comments

Hey Chicas!! So I am in the process of having a conversation with my cuzzo. When I was considering the BC(Big Chop- where you cut all your relaxed hair off down to the natural), she was the one who encouraged me. Talked to me all day over email til the day that I actually cut. I know some of you all are single and wondering, what will men think? Well to be honest with you all I struggled with that as well. Told you all when I was starting my thinking process I was beginning to see a guy..well sorta...and his opinion wasn't the most favorable. Granted, after a few hours of the convo, he told me to go ahead and do it...hair grows back...I STILL was concerned. Do all men want women with long relaxed hair? How fast will my hair grow so that I can hurry up and flat iron it? I was struggling...even after I cut, and began wearing it out, and my confidence began to grow I struggled with it...and at times I still wonder hmmm...if I wear an Afro today instead of my twists will I be considered less attractive...and last night I was speaking with a nice man...and he told me "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder." I am not dating this man, ...but his words were very encouraging. It reminded me like the India Arie Song "I am not my hair." That our  hair doesnt make us more or less beautiful, its who we are. He said "Beauty Fades" and he's exactly right. One day our hair will turn gray (In the name of Jesus my hair will remain dark brown, and in tact...hahaha had to take a break to make my confession to God...love you J.C), and it may not remain in tact...but our inner beauty remains. I have been doing a study on the Proverbs 31 woman and I haven't seen anything where her hair or face was what qualified her as a virtuous woman. (And let the church say AMEN)
So I want to say to you sistahs, you've gotta get more comfortable with YOU. A man is an added benefit and your hair is just an accessory. Ever wonder why women with NO hair have a mate and the sistah with the long hair doesnt...just speaking..because the woman with no hair has found herself. She is confident in who she is and doesnt need hair to make her! Told you all I didnt know it was an issue, but now I have a whole different view of myself...and my confidence has skyrocketed. I mean I'm not conceited...but I love me some me man! God is good....I love looking in the mirror, touching my curlies! Last night Chelsea (roommate) and I went to the grocery store and I wore a fro with NO accessories, no lip gloss, and tennis shoes. I felt absolutely radiant!! And by the men running into each other in the frozen food section...they did too!!....
Here is what my cousin had to say:
"Natural doesn't mean busted, and I think both men and women have that misconception and it really irritates me.  Women do a lot of things to draw the attention of men, and if we maybe we could begin to see ourselves beautiful no matter what the length, the grade, the color then we wouldn't have such a hard time doing what is natural, which is just getting up and combing your hair.  Yes, there are some people who don't take care of their hair, natural doesn't mean you don't have to comb it lol.  I think if people just laid down some of these superficial "she gotta haves" or "he gotta haves", people wouldn't be so ashamed to be who God created them to be.  Who doesn't want curly hair!?!?!  Duh, we were born with it, but were basically brainwashed into thinking that coils and curls weren't "good hair"-I beg to differ!  and the funny part is, perms never got my hair straight, so go figure :-/!" 


  1. Thank you so much Keenya for bringing this subject up! Funny thing is when I decided to go natural last month (I was semi natural for 4 months prior in which I decided to perm only every 6 months, well after feeling my coils I was like nope..lol) that question came to mind. I asked mom the same question like I wonder if men will still want me..lol! But as I was processing this question against my current dating life I came to the conclusion a man will approach me because he will see my inner beauty exuding on the outside and it is all in the way I carry myself and whether he approaches. Even when my hair was relaxed men only approached me mainly because they thought they had a chance or some men felt they approached because "they had something to offer." My point to this comment is that regardless men don't approach because of how our hair looks (as Keenya has stated) they more so approach based on our confidence, whether they feel we are approachable (i.e. smiling versus not smiling), or whether they have something to offer (many of men felt I looked high maintenance..go figure..lol!). So remain confident my sistahs because "what is for you is for you" and God orchestrates when he approaches...all we need to do is be confident in ourself and wait for the one! :)